You are brilliant - the mindset lens that changes everything

I was sitting in our camper van, cruising down the German motorway en route to Hungary, notebook in hand and the printed course material from my coaching training resting on my lap. I looked out of the window, watching the landscape blur by — fields, forests, rest stops — and felt a quiet stillness settle over me.

That’s when it happened. In the middle of a mindset exercise from my new Solution-Focused Coaching course at the Universal Coach Institute, something just clicked. It wasn’t about learning something new — it was about grasping something on a much deeper level. 

Assumptions create reality 

This coaching exercise asked me to read a story — someone’s account of her current problems: 

“I don’t know what to do about anything anymore. Every time I try to do something right, it always goes left. You know? If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

To start, I have a 2-year-old daughter, and I’m married. My husband and I were together for years. He was the only one working. But then he lost his job. We struggled for months while he looked for a new job. He did side work here and there but not enough to sustain a living.

To make a long story short, we lost our apartment and began sleeping in our van. One day, we woke up, he said he was going for a walk — and never came back.

I was left stuck with my 2-year-old daughter, no job, nowhere to live. Eventually, I decided to start driving for Uber and Lyft to make some money. I asked one of my friends if she could watch my daughter while I worked. She was able to do it for some time and even let me rent a room in her home.

Things were going great — until they weren’t. My friend started acting distant, demanded more rent, and said I had to find daycare. I could barely afford either, and she knew that.

Still, I found a daycare I could manage and kept working as hard as I could. Meanwhile, she kept threatening to evict me. Then suddenly, my car stopped working, and I can’t afford to fix it.

It feels like my life is spiraling out of control. I just want to get back on track — to stand on my own two feet without needing help from anyone.”

Then came the actual task:

 “Listen to this story from each of the following assumptions, or in other words, 'mindset positions'. 

• You are the problem

• You have a problem

• You are brilliant

  
  

What goes through your head from each position?”

Even before I started writing down my thoughts, I had a feeling this exercise would bring a breakthrough moment. I knew instantly that it would reveal how different mindsets focus on different information, which eventually leads to entirely different conclusions, responses, possibilities and ultimately to different versions of reality.   

I sat with each position, honestly observing my thoughts. Here`s what I wrote into my notebook:

🟥 You are the problem

You seem to drive people away. It must be hard to live with you. Maybe you sabotage yourself without realising it. You bring this on yourself.

🟧 You have a problem

Yes, this is a really tough situation. It’s not easy raising a child these days. It’s like you have to be both the caretaker and the breadwinner, constantly balancing survival and love.

You're in crisis. You’re overwhelmed. Life is hard right now, but you can get through it. 

🟩 You are brilliant

Wow. You’ve already shown how strong and resourceful you are. You got things back together after your husband left.   Have you realised how often you’ve figured things out that once seemed impossible? Everything will be okay. You’ve done it before. You’ll find a way again.

The breakthrough moment 

I’ve been studying the topic of mindsets for over seven years — but the impact of this exercise took me by surprise. The theory came alive.

By simply changing my assumptions— in other words, by adjusting my mindset — I began to see things differently. And that’s exactly what happens when someone truly shifts their mindset: The lens changes, and with it, so does the experience of reality.

Because our brains are constantly filtering reality. Every second, we’re bombarded with billions of pieces of information. And we don’t process them all — we only notice what our mind is trained to notice. Our assumptions, beliefs, past experiences, and inner narratives act like filters, creating a tunnel reality. They determine which information stands out, which gets ignored, and how we make meaning out of what we see. 

The Domino Effect of Mindset Positions

That’s why taking on different mindset positions doesn`t just change our thoughts — they change what feels true. What feels possible. They reshape our emotional response, our sense of identity, our behaviours and actions. 

Einstein said, “You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” I’d go one step further: You can’t create a new life with the same mindset that shaped the old one.

Like tipping the first domino, the mindset we adopt sets off a chain reaction. Our unique lens shapes our version of reality, just as light casts a shadow of an object, our mindset casts its own interpretation of the world around us.

Different mindsets in action 

What happens when someone operates from one of these mindset positions: ‘I am the problem,’ ‘I have a problem,’ or ‘I am brilliant’?

When someone operates from the position of “I am the problem,” their perception narrows. They interpret challenges as personal failures. They question their worth, their capability, even their belonging. From this starting point, the emotional and behavioural responses that follow tend to reinforce shame, withdrawal, defensiveness, or paralysis. Solutions are hard to access — not because they don’t exist, but because this mindset doesn't leave room for them.

The “I have a problem” position introduces a subtle shift. It creates some distance between the person and the difficulty. There’s room for empathy and acknowledgment. Yet, it often keeps the individual in a passive role — someone at the mercy of circumstances. This mindset may invite support, but not always empowerment.

Then there's the “I am brilliant” position. It doesn't ignore the problem — but it refuses to let the problem define the person. This mindset focuses on strengths, past resilience, and inherent resourcefulness. It allows people to see challenges as things they face, not things they are. And that shift makes all the difference.

Each mindset position filters reality in its own way. It influences not just how we see ourselves, but how we experience other people, the world, and what we believe is possible. The position we take — most of the time unconsciously — determines the direction of our thoughts, emotions, and actions. 

Try on These Different Mindset Lenses

We don’t always choose our mindset consciously — yet it shapes everything: how we interpret challenges, how we speak to ourselves, and how we respond to life.

The good news? Mindset is something we can shift. And the first step is awareness.

By trying on these different mindset positions, you’ll begin to see how each one carries its own emotional weight, language, and sense of possibility.

Think about a current struggle in your life — something that feels unresolved, stuck, or emotionally heavy. Now, write about it from each of the following three mindset positions. Take your time. Be honest. Notice what changes — not just in your thoughts, but in how you feel, what you believe, and what feels available to you. Write freely, and if necessary, use the questions you find below each mindset position to dig deeper into your thoughts. 

🔴 1. I am the problem

What comes to mind when looking at your current situations from this perspective? 

• What do you blame yourself for?

• What kind of self-critical or self-condemning language do you use toward yourself? 

• How does this mindset position make you feel about your ability to move forward?

  
  

🟠 2. I have a problem

Now shift your mindset position. What does your inner voice say now? 

• How do you describe the situation differently?

• What tone do you notice?

• Do you feel more compassionate, empowered or do you still feel stuck?

  
  

🟢 3. I am brilliant

Finally, try on this bold lens and write from this position freely. 

• What of your strengths rise to the surface when life gets difficult or challenging?

• What have you already overcome that once felt impossible?

• What part of you can be trusted to keep showing up?

  
  

Now reflect:

• How did the language, energy, and emotion shift in each position?

• Which mindset gave you the most possibility, perspective, or clarity?

• Which mindset position do you tend to take on most of the time? 

• Is the mindset you tend to hold most often helping you move forward - or keeping you stuck?

You are brilliant 

Take a few quiet moments to strengthen the I am brilliant lens — explore one or two of the prompts below through the lens of your brilliance, and see what shifts when you choose to view yourself as capable, resourceful, and strong.

Choose 1–2 of the following prompts and write from the “I am brilliant” lens:

• I’ve surprised myself in the past when I...

• What most people wouldn’t know about me is...

• One small way I can honour my brilliance today is…

• The qualities and strengths I can rely on going forward are…

  
  

Another powerful way to strengthen the “I am brilliant” position is to stop comparing yourself to others, and start comparing yourself to your best self. Look back at where you started, notice how far you’ve come, and let that be your benchmark for growth. As I shared in Stop Looking Sideways – Look Back to Leap Forward, real progress isn’t about outperforming others — it’s about recognising your own resilience, your own effort, and your own evolution. If you’d like more structure and support to reflect on this journey, the Journaling Workbook offers practical prompts to help you reconnect with your strengths and build momentum from within.

🌿 Why This Matters in Coaching

The whole point of this exercise, as part of my training, wasn’t just to reflect on mindset in theory. It was to train my own mind — to consistently return to the “You are brilliant” position, especially when I’m holding space for someone else.

This mindset isn’t about flattery or false positivity. It’s about learning to see what people often can’t see in themselves — their strengths, their resilience, their small but meaningful signs of progress.

When I coach from this position, I’m not there to diagnose what’s wrong with someone. I’m there to hold up a mirror that reflects back what’s right — what’s working, what’s possible, what’s already within them.

That’s where transformation begins. When someone starts to see themselves through that same lens — not as broken or stuck, but as brilliant and capable — everything shifts. New options become visible. New energy comes forward. And solutions, once buried under doubt or shame, begin to rise to the surface.

This mindset is the foundation of the way I coach — not just with tools or strategies, but with belief in the person sitting in front of me. And that belief is powerful. Because once they begin to see it too, nothing stays the same.