Stop Looking Sideways—Look Back to Leap Forward

Melinda Balogh
May 31
4 min read

Updated: Jun 3

In my previous post, I briefly mentioned the impact of comparison—how constantly measuring ourselves against others can quietly pull us down, erode our motivation, and make us question whether we`re good enough. It’s a self-defeating habit that often leaves us feeling stuck, inadequate, or like we’re always falling short.

But there's a far more powerful direction to look: back.

Not back with regret, but with recognition. Not to dwell, but to witness how far we’ve come.

The Comparison Trap

When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we’re usually seeing the surface, a carefully edited version of their lives. Social media, professional milestones, or even casual conversations can make it seem like everyone else is thriving while we’re barely keeping up. It doesn’t take long before we start questioning our own worth, our pace, or our path.

That quiet voice creeps in: “Maybe I’m just not good enough.” This kind of comparison is misleading—and it’s often rooted in insecurity, not truth. It creates a lack of motivation, because no matter how much we accomplish, it never seems to measure up. Over time, this erodes our confidence, making us second-guess even the things we used to feel sure about.

Comparison leads to a growing disconnection from your authentic self. You start following someone else’s version of success, losing sight of your own values, voice, and vision. You end up chasing goals that don’t actually fulfill you—just because they look good on someone else.

More importantly, it robs us of our own narrative. It focuses our attention outward when real progress happens inward. Comparing ourselves to others can feel motivating at first, but in the long run, it chips away at our self-belief and makes it harder to build genuine confidence.

The result? You feel stuck. Trapped between what you think you should be doing and what you actually want. And under the surface, a persistent fear of failure begins to grow—as if not keeping up means falling behind in life itself.

This cycle doesn’t push us forward. It pulls us away from who we are and what we’re capable of becoming.

Your Past Self Is Your Best Benchmark

When we compare ourselves to our past selves, something interesting happens. We shift the focus from competition to growth, from judgment to self-compassion, and from insecurity to confidence.

This shift is subtle but powerful. It’s not about being perfect or “better” in every way. It’s about noticing what’s changed—how your thinking, your habits, or your emotional responses have evolved. These small recognitions can add up to a deep sense of progress, often invisible to others but undeniable to you.

When you make this internal shift, something begins to change in how you live day to day. You stop constantly measuring your worth by what others are doing or achieving. Instead, you start honoring your own journey, your own pace, and your own truth. That creates a sense of clarity—you begin to know what matters to you, not just what looks impressive from the outside.

Focusing on your past self also grounds you in reality, not illusion. You’re not comparing yourself to a curated image or an idealized version of someone else’s life—you’re comparing yourself to someone you know intimately: you. You know what you’ve had to overcome. You know what used to feel impossible, and how you showed up for yourself anyway.

This kind of reflection builds a quiet, unshakeable confidence—because it’s based on lived experience. You start to feel proud of your growth, even when it’s not flashy. You begin to celebrate your progress, not just your perfection.

And with that comes motivation. Not the frantic kind that comes from pressure or panic, but a steady drive rooted in self-belief. You see that you’re already evolving, already capable—and that makes it easier to keep going.

Letting go of external comparison also reduces the emotional noise. It quiets the inner critic and allows space for self-compassion. You’re no longer fighting to prove yourself. You’re learning to support yourself. You become your own supporter, your own witness, your own evidence that growth is possible—even in small, quiet ways.

Building Resilience

This kind of comparison builds resilience. Why? Because it reminds us that we’ve already overcome challenges, adapted to change, and learned along the way. That inner proof is fuel. It’s evidence that we’re capable—not in theory, but in practice.

The next time life throws something unexpected at you, it won’t feel like the first time. You'll have your own track record to fall back on. You’ve survived tough moments before—and that memory helps you face new ones with more steadiness and strength.

Progress Over Perfection, Always

When we stop looking sideways and start looking back—with kindness—we create space for sustainable confidence and lasting resilience. And from that place, we’re much more likely to move forward with purpose.

So today, take a moment to measure progress, not perfection. Your past self isn’t your competition—it’s your context. And your story is still unfolding.

Ready to Take This Reflection Deeper?

If this post resonated with you and you’re curious to explore your own journey more intentionally, I’ve created a free downloadable workbook to help you do just that.

It’s filled with gentle journaling prompts and reflection exercises designed to help you reconnect with your story, notice how far you’ve come, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

🌱 Click here to download the “Look Back to Leap Forward” workbook and take the first step in honouring your progress—quietly, kindly, and powerfully.

Because your past self isn’t your competition. It’s your proof that you’re already growing.