Breaking Free from the Belief: “I’m Not Good Enough”
- Melinda Balogh
- Jul 25
- 7 min read
Those invisible stories we tell ourselves
Some beliefs lift us up. Others quietly hold us back. Self-limiting beliefs are those invisible stories we tell ourselves that shape what we think we can do, what we believe we deserve, and who we think we are.
They’re sneaky. They often sound like the truth. But they’re not. So where do these beliefs come from — and how do they gain such a powerful hold on us?
Where Do Limiting Beliefs Come From?
Limiting beliefs usually form early in life. They can stem from a single painful comment from a significant person in your life or years of subtle messaging—moments when we felt dismissed, misunderstood, or compared. We internalize these messages, often without realizing it.
I saw this play out in my own life. It was the same for us, in our family. We told ourselves stories full of limiting beliefs. As a result, no one in my family knew how to love themselves, let alone each other. As a child, I internalised all of it—I didn’t understand that they were repeating the same story to themselves, that they were hurting, too. I just assumed it was me. That I didn`t deserve to be loved. That I am bad. That I wasn’t enough.
Over time, these stories and beliefs become our own internal narratives: the lens through which we see ourselves and the world. And through that distorted lens, many of us begin repeating the same familiar story. A lens that distorts possibility, confidence, and connection.
Common Limiting Beliefs
Here are a few examples that might sound familiar:
I’m not smart enough.
I don’t deserve success.
I’ll never be as good as them.
If I try, I’ll fail.
I have to be perfect to be accepted.
At the core of many of these is a deeper, more painful belief: “I’m not good enough.”
The Impact of “I’m Not Good Enough”
But this isn’t just a quiet belief in the background — it touches everything, seeps into every part of your life. Let’s examine how deeply this belief influences our inner world.
It influences how you think about yourself. You start to second-guess even the things you know to be true, unsure whether your instincts or decisions are valid. Instead of encouraging yourself, your inner voice becomes critical, harsh, and unforgiving—saying things you’d never say to someone you care about.
This belief impacts your mindset and influences your decisions. You might turn down opportunities or avoid taking risks, convinced you're not capable. You may settle for less than you want in your career or relationships because deep down, you believe it’s all you can get. “I’m not good enough” is rooted in a fixed mindset: the idea that you can’t grow, can’t change, and must protect yourself from being exposed. You avoid feedback, resist vulnerability, and retreat from opportunities to stretch yourself — because stretching might reveal your "not-enoughness."
It affects your feelings, too. You carry around a sense of inadequacy, no matter how much you achieve. You feel anxious before trying something new, overwhelmed by the pressure to prove your worth, and discouraged by even small setbacks. Every misstep feels like confirmation of the belief.
And beneath it all is often shame—a feeling that you, at your core, are not enough. Not just that you failed, but that you are a failure. As Brené Brown puts it, shame is “the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.”
This shame creates a deep need to protect yourself. You begin to hide the parts of you that feel messy, uncertain, or imperfect. You hold back from being fully honest or open, because it feels safer to stay guarded than to risk being judged or rejected.
This belief, along with the shame it creates, affects how you relate to others. You may constantly try to earn approval, please people, or be “perfect” to avoid being exposed. Or you might build emotional walls and push people away — not because you don’t care, but because you're terrified they’ll see what you secretly believe about yourself: that you’re not good enough.
And yet, when someone starts to leave or pull away, panic sets in. You might try to pull them back — not out of manipulation, but from fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being left alone with that unbearable belief.
You create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By pushing people away, you keep yourself disconnected — and when they finally walk away, it feels like confirmation: “See? I really am not enough.” And it becomes a toxic push-and-pull relationship where everybody suffers.
Where this belief hurts us most
It’s in our relationships where this belief often causes the most harm. Because deep down, we all crave connection — not surface-level contact, but real, meaningful closeness.
But the kind of connection we truly long for — the kind that makes us feel seen, accepted, and safe — only happens when we allow ourselves to be seen. Not just the polished, filtered version we show to the world, but our full, honest selves — including the doubts, the struggles, and the imperfections.
That kind of authenticity requires courage. It means showing up as we are, not as we think we should be.
This is what true authenticity means. And it’s not easy.
Being authentic takes courage because it involves risk—the risk that someone might not approve, might not understand, or might even walk away. So we often hide behind roles, achievements, or perfection, hoping to protect ourselves from that pain. But in doing so, we also keep people at a distance. We may be liked or admired, but we don’t feel truly connected, because we’re not truly known.
Real closeness—whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or even professional ones—comes when we stop performing and start being honest. When we show up not as who we think we’re supposed to be, but as who we really are. That`s how we can invite the people into our lives who are right for us.
The truth is, you are already enough.
And you can grow from that place — not toward worthiness, but from it.
How to Break Free from “I’m Not Good Enough”
Letting go of this belief doesn’t happen overnight. But it starts with becoming aware of it—and then choosing something new.
1. Notice When It Shows Up
Start by listening to the voice in your head. When do you hear “I’m not good enough”? Is it at work? When you're with certain people? When you fail or even when you succeed?
Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Challenge the Story
Ask yourself:
Is this belief actually true?
Where did I learn it?
Would I say this to someone I love?
Often, we discover that this belief isn’t based on fact—it’s based on fear.
3. Understand That Shame Is Not Your Identity
Feeling not enough is deeply tied to shame, but shame is a feeling—not a definition. You may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t make you unworthy. You are more than your worst moments or deepest fears.
You are not broken. You are human.
4. Speak to Yourself With Kindness
Instead of harsh self-talk, practice self-compassion. When you catch yourself spiraling, try saying:
“I’m doing the best I can right now.”
“This is hard, but I can handle it.”
“I am enough, even as I grow.”
5. Build a New Belief
Begin to write a new internal script—one rooted in truth.
“I don’t need to be perfect to be valuable. I am enough. I am worthy of love, success, and joy as I am.”
6. Let Others In
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Talk to someone you trust—a coach, therapist, or friend. Share your struggle. You’ll often find that you’re not alone—and that in sharing, you give others permission to do the same.
7. Take Small, Brave Steps
Every time you act in defiance of the old belief, you weaken its hold. Apply for the job. Speak up in the meeting. Set the boundary. Try the thing that scares you.
Confidence doesn’t appear first—it follows action.
Final Thought
The belief that you’re not good enough is a heavy burden. But it’s not the truth.
You were never meant to earn your worth—you already have it.
You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You don’t have to hide who you are to be loved or respected. The path forward starts with a new belief:
You are enough. You are growing. And you’re allowed to take up space.
Sometimes we need a visual reminder that being enough isn’t about appearances or perfection — it’s about presence. About honesty, about being real.
A Real-Life Reminder: I Am Enough, Even Here
So at this point in the journey, I want to share a photo of myself.
It’s not polished. I’m not wearing makeup. I’m tired — we were taking the ferry back to Scotland after a long journey through Europe in our campervan. My hair’s a mess, my face is bare, and I can feel every mile we’ve driven etched into my expression.
And still... I am enough.
This photo is important to me because it captures something real. Not curated. Not filtered. Just me — raw, weary, human.
And that’s the point.
Being “enough” doesn’t mean being perfect.
It means being real.
It means being willing to show up as we are — tired, messy, makeup-free — and still know that we are worthy.
That we matter.
That we don’t have to earn love or belonging by pretending or performing.
The more I practice showing up like this — honestly, openly — the more I experience true connection. Not the kind that comes from admiration, but the kind that comes from being seen.
We don’t need to wait until we’ve rested, achieved, or improved to believe we’re worthy.
We are enough in our most unpolished moments — and maybe even especially then.
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